Dysfunctionality of an Almost Human Mind

"Forgive me, I'm still learning", I said as the words stumbled out of my mouth like a newborn deer on ice while trying to communicate in a different language. A different language... seems like everything in life is "a different language". But that's ok, because we are all still learning. No one pops into this world knowing all there is to know, claiming the hold all the knowledge. Yet we stumble and apologize for trying, when we should be proud for it. Trying is the very opposite of stagnation. Stagnation is not the root of all failures, trying is, because failure isn't a bad thing, it is an opportunity to learn, a chance at growth. Stagnation is just a choice to allow the quicksand slowly swallow us whole, swallow our hopes and dreams, our chances along with all the other possible choices. I'm not sad I tried, even if you didn't. I'm not mad, I keep trying. And the results have been great, even if just failed attempts keep piling up and cov...

so, you want to be my friend... yeah, i have many of those in different parts of the world in many shapes, colors and sizes so take a sit if you wish i love my friends and they love me sometimes they're there for me most times they are not and i am left to do things on my own to walk on my own to struggle on my own to fight on my own to live on my own to cry on my own to die on my own but you want to be my friend you know what i want? do you care? not my problem if you do i want someone to be there i want someone to walk with me to talk to me about their day to ask me about mine to judge me with my best interest in mind not just to judge and walk away i want someone to hold my hand i want someone to hold ME to hold me while i sleep and whisper... "it'll be ok" and believe it because every night i hold myself every night i tell myself... "it'll be ok" but i don't believe it and i wake up the next day and do it all over again the walking alone the stru...

I’m back. Back in these halls and rooms. Back within these walls that were meant to keep us safe, warm, loved. I had a dream that you waited for me. That you realized the truth and took it upon yourself to show it. I had a dream but woke up to a nightmare. But that’s ok. I’m friend’s with my demons and they care for me too. The garden is growing flowers you would have loved. Winter is gone and the green of spring surrounds and shows me the beauty of a new day. Soon i will plow the ground to plant hope and someday harvest the joy that was meant for us. I clean the floors thinking of the steps we took together, remembering the smiles we shared. The memory can’t be avoided, just as much as the thought of what could have been. But the truth remains unquestionable, and it is on me to continue, barefoot, longing for the moment to heal, which is now. Yes, I miss you, I won’t deny it. And though I claim to be proud for standing up for myself, the idea that maybe I was wrong continues to hunt m...

While the light dims, the fire cools and the sound mutes, I walk. The path ahead waits for no one, but my steps are heavy and my tracks keep fading, leaving no legacy behind, no trace of what made me strong, and now I'm weak and tired. It is important to remember where one comes from, but it becomes impossible when the fog is so thick you can't even see your shadow. The puddle under my feet is so muddied, there is no way I could see my reflection in it. But if I did, would I like what I'd see? Would that face be smiling or grinning back at me? I keep making the same mistake just for the sake of warmth. I keep stumbling on the same stone in my way, as if it followed me. I can't seem to let go of this stupid idea. The thought of needing to be held. The error of holding on to the thorns and killing my thirst with the blood that drips from my grip. I wish to focus on growth, but I can't even escape the damage, and at this point it feels self inflicted. I trusted too muc...